Tuesday, September 25, 2007 ++
confessions.
So my friends sat me down for a good talk today.
I guess I should have seen it coming, after all, I've been perpetually late for almost all of our meetings.
It's not that I didn't know this before, but why do I need people to actually tell me before I get a wake-up call?
Before I become all moody and angsty because of this, I'll first deduce the issues that I have to resolve:
1. My lateness. Being late for hours, cancelling at the last minute because I'm so bloody late, saying that I'll be there at a certain time and arriving another hour later, being late for class.
2. As a result of cancelling at the last minute, not turning up for class (well actually I think I'm doing ok for this because I've been going for most of my classes already, so ok, this isn't so bad).
3. Lack of discipline. Can't sleep early, can't wake up, refusal to wake up, and as a result, I'm late.
So it all actually boils down to one thing: my horrible, horrible, horrible lateness. That I'm not punctual, and because of that, I'm considered unreliable and when people hear that others are working with me, they ask, "Are you sure she'll turn up?" I guess that's because of my 2nd year, where I mostly didn't/couldn't go to school because of personal issues.
Goddamnit. How the hell did things turn out this way? I can't help thinking that I've fallen so far from grace. How the hell did my rep get so bad?
The thing is, being aware of it is one thing. Taking action to change things is another. So instead of getting all depressed and moody and miserable because of this, I have to CHANGE in order to show people that hey, I'm capable of doing great work, and that also more importantly, you can trust me to be reliable, to be there on time, to be there when you need me. I've done this before (remember AB Camp?) and I can definitely do it again.
MOST IMPORTANTLY, I HAVE TO STOP BEING LATE. I REALLY have to stop being late. What I have to be is PUNCTUAL, or even better, EARLY. I have to stop thinking that it doesn't matter, because IT SURE AS HELL MATTERS. Punctuality is what employers are looking for, if you're not punctual to work, even if you're damn brilliant at your job, you're still gonna get fired. I have to learn this. I have to stop being so bloody damn ill-disciplined and start taking responsibility for my life, my actions. I have to stop being complacent and start working to get my rep back, start showing people that I'm good at what I do and that I'm responsible, reliable and that I have the ability to go far.
Damnit girl, you KNOW you have the ability to go far! What did G tell you, what did WR tell you? You KNOW you have a winning personality, charisma, outspoken-ness, a great written and verbal command of your first language, and as C said, "an innate self-confidence" that goes beyond your years. COME ON BABE, stop living your life in failure and self-denial! Why the hell have you become so slack? So bochap? So uncaring about your future and your rep?
WAKE UP BABE WAKE UP! Remember what made you a good leader in the first place! Remember in junior college, what made you a leader, in class and in your ECA, and now in university, what made you the leader of your ECA! The job responsibilities you took up when you were in first year, being in the MF committee, and the glowing appraisals you achieved from all those who knew you in your ECAs in year one! OMG babe, do yourself a favour and stop wasting your talents! Use them, exploit them, show them to the world, let yourself shine! Wake up from this frivolous slumber, you still have 6 months to make a difference! USE IT!
MAKE A DIFFERENCE! Remember, that's what you said in junior college? Remember? That no matter where you are, you're proactive, not reactive, you take action to make things happen, you look beyond failure and you think of how you can inspire others! INSPIRE OTHERS for goodness sakes! You TAKE ACTION TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN! That's being PROACTIVE! Taking the initiative to change things, not being prodded, but doing it on your own account!
Damn I have lost track of all these things. Girl, as long as you take the first step to be punctual, everything will change. You become punctual, early, go to classes regularly, do your readings, speak up in class, participate, spend your time wisely, time manage, ask questions in class, become more learned, make people look up and take notice that hey, this girl is intelligent and she's changed. Impressions change. How? By taking action, by showing that you're responsible, reliable and trustworthy. You can definitely do this girl. Stop living in self-defeat, do what you were meant to do! Be what God meant you to be, and God meant you to be a winner.
Focus on the positive, on what you can do, what you can control, not what you can't control. You can't control people's impressions directly, but you can change how they perceive you by taking control of your actions. So do that. And stop worrying about the rest, because they will take care of themselves. START BY BEING PUNCTUAL!
Labels: school
~Macaroon nibbles at 11:24 pm
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