Wednesday, November 28, 2007 ++
cut along the dotted line
my heart is fragile, and frail
a whisper, and it wavers
between the brink of hope
and a helpless despair.
no one understands my heart
the feet that quiver
over grassy beds
as they wander through lavender fields
and shards of glass
you cannot save me now
perhaps you were never meant to
all you could do
was watch from behind
and offer love from a shadow
love that shifts and breathes and is unkind
love that kills me further
in the still of the night
i cried, and wished you were here
i cradled in someone else's arms
and drifted off in peaceful sleep.
my heart is in turmoil
but you do not see.
i need an anchor
but you throw me a hook.
could you love me like you used to?
~Macaroon nibbles at 12:22 am
Tuesday, November 27, 2007 ++
disappointment melts my bones.
~Macaroon nibbles at 8:47 pm
++
never a perfect love
i honestly feel that i have been relying too much on you for my happiness.
when you disappoint me, my being rings with a dull, hollow ache.
it is sad, and sadder still that it has come to this.
i have to gain back my independence, i have to take some part of my heart back from you.
i wanted to love with no holding back, but it seems its cost is too dear to bear.
it hurts too much, as once again i have learnt.
you are not there for me when i need you.
you don't know how much i need to see you.
you misconstrue my hurt as reluctance.
the more i think about it, the more i feel
i've given up so much for you
is it really unfair
to ask you to give something up for me too?
again you drag me down down down
i need to stop this sinking. i am all alone.
~Macaroon nibbles at 8:34 pm
Saturday, November 24, 2007 ++
let the radio play on
what do you do when you get tired of your life.
i think it's more of a rhetorical question than anything else, but still. i'm tired of all the flowery language, the niceties, the fake smiles, the 'i have to be strong i have to be understanding i have to see from other people's points of view'. i'm tired.
so bloody meaningless.
is this what happens, when you've been together too long. is this what happens, when love is fading?
you feel like the other person cares less. you feel like what used to matter so much in the past, doesn't really matter so much any more.
i honestly feel like i don't know what i want out of my life.
i can overcome tiredness. i can, but it seems like you can't.
you say i have to communicate more, to tell you exactly what i'm feeling. well then, why can't you understand on your own? or are you just not bothered to make the effort?
i don't know, and honestly, i don't want to figure out the answer now.
~Macaroon nibbles at 12:22 am
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